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Ulysses S. Grant responds to Jefferson Davis' threats of a renewed Separatist Movement in the South by getting drunk, riding straight to South Carolina and challenging him to a duel. But not before passing out in his own vomit.
Still wondering whether it’s worth making the trek down to the polling precinct where the line will be wrapped around town? Here's how to know.
Dear Boss, I have a confession to make. I probably should have told you a long time ago before things got out of hand: I've been taking steroids every day on the job since Day 1 (and before the job during our interviews).
In your never-ending quest to get laid, several natural enemies will present themselves time and time again. They are known as Cockblocks. Heed the following advice well and forget not the danger that looms.
As the concert begins I will become much too over-stimulated for my own good. It is then that I will demonstrate my appreciation for the present moment by throwing shit. What kind of shit will I throw? All kinds of shit.
There are a lot of bad things that can happen to people in this screwed-up world, but there's nothing worse than discovering your hamster is contaminated.
Mr. Cook, I can no longer sit back while your egregious blunders defame the good name of those around you. Especially the illustrious Dennis Rodman.
We, the people, are the drunk chick at the bar. We are expected to do very little, except pick the politician who promises us the best stuff, and then get fucked by him later.
Are you a tool that no one would dare be seen with? Do you show up at parties and stand there talking to no one because you’re a creeper? Well stop living in the past and add some Limp Bizkit style to your life. You can start by doing everything for the n
Throughout my life I have had many goals: soccer player, good student, drummer, gym teacher, guy who toasts bagels, etc. But I now see my life as having been misguided because now I know for sure that I seriously can't wait to break your arm.
Why the hell does Columbus get a holiday? Hey, Columbus, you bastard, did you realize America was already discovered by the people living there. It didn't need discovering!
Dear Timothy Williams, we regret to inform you that your wish will remain just that: a wish. And wishes don’t come true, Little Timmy. Hey, life is unfair.