Not every day is going to be a win. If they all could be wins, how could you ever accomplish any self-improvement? That’s why it’s important to recognize the losses, acknowledge them, and then move forward as a wiser person. That’s the hidden greatness behind a mistake: it can be a roadmap to success if you let it.
But, let’s be honest here, you REALLY fucked up this time.
Look, I get it, I’m not perfect either. I’ve had one of those days when something doesn’t go your way, and then it gets in your head, and all of the sudden life’s responsibilities and inconveniences begin to snowball. Next thing you know you’re creating a burner Reddit account so you can tell u/fattybuttpatties you’re going to punch a hole through their face if they ever slander your favorite brand of seltzer again.
Nevertheless, you must admit Sister Rosemary did nothing to deserve your wrath on JFK Boulevard this afternoon.
I know that you were rushing back to the office before Jerry saw an empty chair at your desk. I know that your mother-in-law is recovering from hip surgery in your guest room and that you couldn’t find her favorite brand of candles at the store. Now, you’re going to hear it from both her and your wife when you get home. But Sister Rosemary didn’t know. Neither did the three other nuns in the car. They were just trying to get back to the nunnery in time for Ellen after they picked up their prescriptions for their various old lady ailments.
The mother and daughter sitting in the car behind the nuns couldn’t believe their eyes either. Can you blame them? You were honking your horn with your left middle finger as you used your right middle finger to point at each nun in the car, waiting for them to acknowledge you with their eyes, and then flipping them the double bird until you realized you’ve completely halted traffic. People in the left lane are crawling by you witnessing a best-case scenario in the rubbernecking game; no car accident, just a middle-aged man losing his shit.
I know where you’re at now. Bargaining with yourself, saying that the nun rolled out too far from the stop sign into traffic. Trying to convince yourself that her minor driving hiccup deserved your full-blown meltdown. Little did you know, Sister Rosemary was paying close attention to her fellow nuns summarizing yesterday’s episode of Ellen.
With her attention drawn away from driving, her foot slipped off the brake and her front bumper bled into the edge of the right lane. You were incensed despite the fact that your 2010 Nissan Sentra had plenty of room to evade Sister Rosemary’s vehicle while remaining in the right lane.
But still, what the fuck was she thinking?! If she can't multitask listening to the synopsis of a daytime talk show and drive at the same time then maybe she should have her license revoked.
That would probably upset the kids down at the pediatric cancer wing of your local hospital though. Sister Rosemary goes down there three or four times a week to read and play with the sick children. That’s why she missed yesterday’s episode of Ellen. The hospital is thinking about renaming the wing after her. Personally, I think she should have the entire hospital named after her ever since she healed that kid with leprosy, but that’s just one man’s opinion.
Rumors have been swirling around the nunnery since she touched the leper that the Pope thinks she has what it takes to be a saint. She’s already got one miracle under her belt with beatification nearly in her grasp. She’s led an incredible life of service, helping some of the poorest and sickest people in the world.
All she has to do now to become a saint is have another miracle attributed to her and die. Her recently developed suicidal ideations due to your irrepressible rage might help with the dying part, however that would unfortunately be looked down upon by the Catholic Church when her name comes up as a candidate for sainthood.
Maybe you should pay her a visit and apologize. But you were going to check out the new driving range across town with some buddies this weekend. Next weekend it is.