I Steal Breakfast
All I wanted to do was to use the bathroom and get back on the road, but a lovely woman working the breakfast station approached me and said, "Come grab a bite."
I'm a handsome, (relatively) disease-free virgo, looking for that special someone to make my toes curl. My perfect woman would be tall, slender, and preferably have no taste buds. Oh wait, this isn't eHarmony is it? Dammit, I do that all the time. I live in a dumpy little town in West Virginia and typically spend my days contemplating which would be easier: running to the grocery store or committing suicide. The fact that I'm still around probably has something do with not being able to figure out how to work a gun.
All I wanted to do was to use the bathroom and get back on the road, but a lovely woman working the breakfast station approached me and said, "Come grab a bite."
I've done my best this year to try and avoid the Facebook narcissism that endlessly infiltrates my news feed, only to find that it is physically impossible, thus Part 3.
What do you do when your highway porn store inflatable woman won't hold 'her' air any longer? Well, you can clean the dried cum off her face to start with.
Florida has provided the world with jerk-off sports teams, early bird specials, hurricanes, and plenty of illegal Cubans. Unfortunately, the adult film "Hung Chad" was never made.
After Part 1, I still have several Facebook "friends" left that I'd like to alienate, so I will make my point again by ripping apart more annoying posts about kids I've seen recently.
Dear Match.com, I think it's time I join your piece of shit website. I was put on this planet to change your ugly member stereotype forever, which is why I'm requesting a free membership.
I don't have any children that I know of, and I obviously don't understand the fraternity of parenthood, but come on, nobody wants to hear about your kids on Facebook.
As a New Orleans travel veteran, I have seen many aspects of The Big Easy. Now I offer to you my best tips on cajun food, prostitutes, cops, and the 100-ounce daiquiri.
I feel the need to dispel the misconceptions about the theme of what was once my favorite John Denver song and currently the state that I call home. Please enjoy a basic history of the great state of West Virginia.