Ally Hirschlag | Points in Case

Ally Hirschlag Brooklyn

Ally Hirschlag is a writer from Brooklyn who lives with mild anxiety over what her cats are doing in the other room. You can find her work at Upworthy, Mic, McSweeney's, Weekly Humorist, and elsewhere.

Comedy Writing

Dad texting on his phone from home on the sofa

Chekhov Quotes, or Texts from Dad during a Global Pandemic?

There is nothing more awful, insulting, and depressing than banality. / We can’t watch Netflix if you’re already watching Netflix.

by Ally Hirschlag
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April 13, 2020

My Response to Your Big Work News: A Guide

I “loved” your announcement on Facebook, and left a comment about how excited I am for you. > I find your friendship exhausting.

by Ally Hirschlag
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April 22, 2019

Unique Airbnb: Hill House Mansion Near Amherst

Explore and investigate the strange scraping sounds, trap doors in the floor, and that creepy voice that keeps whispering your name late at night.

by Ally Hirschlag
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October 31, 2018

The Honest Calendar of a 17-Year-Old Rapist

October 28: Buy easy access costume for Halloween rape --- maybe just go as a giant penis and forgo pretense?

by Ally Hirschlag
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September 27, 2018

So You Wanted to Leave a Voicemail for Someone But They Picked Up the Phone

Drop your phone in the toilet: This makes you look cool, because every Millennial’s done it at least once in their aimless, self-serving lives.

by Ally Hirschlag
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June 25, 2018

Passive-Aggressive Storm Predictions

Let’s take a look at our international weather for all you lucky ducks who’re able to afford trips without forgoing health care for two months.

by Ally Hirschlag
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May 26, 2018