Hamilton, Burr Kin to Re-Enact Duel, Beat Dead Horses
The descendants of the famed presidential candidates who squared off to the death decide it's time to rekindle some hard feelings.
Comedy Writing
Celsius Rates Michael Moore’s “Fahrenheit 9/11” Below Zero
The summer's most controversial film might be funnier if you only watch the trailer. I know this article certainly will be funnier if you do.
Teacher Accused of Sex with One Very Lucky Middle School Student
Why did this 23-year-old woman do the naughty with her 14-year-old student? Who cares, this dude's definitely in the popular crowd now.
Boy Collapses at Spelling Bee, Nails “Resuscitation”
Frightened and pale, one heroic young lad rises from the floor and belts out the correct spelling to his word after fainting.
CIA Cyberterrorism Team Busts Into Hot S&M Chatroom
The CIA's taking to the Internet in stronger waves of technological defense these days. So far all they've accomplished is cock-blocking.
Study: Obese Kids Likely to Be Big Eaters
Ground-breaking research has determined that not only are fat children fat, they are also likely to be bullied. It's a crazy world.
Bible Proofreaders Discover Jesus Was Actually a “Pew”
Thank the Lord someone is finally sweating the small stuff. And to think, all people worshipping Jesus have actually been sitting on him.
NYC Parking Meter Charges Adjacent Fire Hydrant
New York installed a parking space too close to a fire hydrant and everyone including the fire chief got ticketed.
Softcore “Star Wars” Fans Settle for Bad Seats, Making Out
While hardcore Star Wars fans lineup outside for weeks just to get a good seat at Episode III, semi-fans seem content with the back row.
CAT Scans Reveal King Tut Was a Pussy
Thanks to modern technology, people can now see what King Tut really looked like: a metrosexual. Go on, pop that pink collar, pharaoh.
Drunk Drivers Vindicated Through Dashboard Confessional
Convicted DUI offenders need not worry about repeat offenses. New in-car breathalyzers shut off the ignition and pour you another shot.
History Channel Declares JFK Conspiracy Show “Classified”
What happens when you air a show that hints at a little too much info? You pull it and sell the uncensored version on DVD, duh.