Metro City Gazette: We Cannot Endorse Mike Haggar
We are ashamed to be counted among a population that would laud a man for performing a piledriver on a disabled person. Please step down, Mr. Mayor.
Comedy Writing
Tao of a Lowlife: A Message from the Guy Who Still Lives in Your Hometown
It frustrates you to know I get laid more than you. I have chicken legs and a cartoonish beer belly. I have a hooknose and my eyes are a bit too close together.
Not Born on Third Base, But Reached on a Fielder’s Choice
Some people were born on third base and thought they hit a triple. Other people, who thought they hit a triple, were born on first base. Consider how you got here in life.
It Would Be Wrong to Make a Jacket Out of Rob Lowe’s Skin
I understand the difference between right and wrong. And if somebody captured Rob Lowe, murdered him and made a jacket out of his skin it would be wrong.
Transition of “Chad’s Bikini Bar and Grill” to “Chad’s Family Bar and Grill”
After 30 great years, we’ve decided to scale back our breastaurant theme and make the transition to one of a more family-friendly restaurant.
There is No Santa: A Retraction to “Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus”
Indeed there is no Santa Claus, and we can definitively say it would be impossible for one man to visit all the children in the world in one night.