Love Means Never Having to Get Yourself Off
Well, ladies and gentlemen, the impossible has happened: I'm in love. Yes, in love. With a man. Not a battery-operated device and not my Taylor Lautner cardboard cut-out.
Comedy Writing
Life in Los Angeles
Most conceptions people have about living in Hollywood aren't far off. Perhaps it's the Midwesterner in me, but I'm still surprised when someone turns out to be a complete douche.
It’s a Right-Hander’s World, I’m Just Living in It
As a left-hander, there is a definite difference in lifestyle than I imagine right-handed people experience. Plus left-handers are often subject to shame and mockery.
10 Things Customers Expect of You, The Person with a Shitty Job
As you prepare yourself for a career in customer service after graduation, I want to help put you into the mindset of the wonderful consumers you're about to encounter regularly.
Valentine’s Day, Take Two
In hindsight, somehow relating every circumstance in the world back to Stephenie Meyer's epic saga is probably a lot less impressive than I think it is.
Tough Life Lessons from My Father
My father followed the old school methods of parenting, such as the "Walk It Off" Method or the "You Want Something To Cry About? I'll Give You Something To Cry About" Method.
The Night My Car Got Towed and I Pissed the Living Room Floor
Just because it's a '91 Toyota Tercel doesn't mean it isn't worth fighting for, and eventually pissing over, literally.
Happy 1-Year Anniversary, Self
I can hardly believe it, but Christmas day marks the one year anniversary of "Sexual Solitaire." While looking through the past 28 columns, I jotted down some titillating items of interest.
Why Thanksgiving is My Favorite Holiday
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because there's little to no religious connotation attached to it, yet it holds a certain special place within all of us.
Masturbation: A Love Story
Some college kids get peer pressured into drinking and drugs; I got peer pressured into masturbating. It wasn't until I was almost 21 that I threw caution to the wind and played the clitar.
America the Vaguely Beautiful, Part 2
The harrowing conclusion to my excursion across this great land of ours as I make my way from Cincinnati, Ohio to Los Angeles, California.
America the Vaguely Beautiful, Part 1
I am currently in the process of moving across the country from Cincinnati to Los Angeles, and wow, is the United States boring. In an attempt to entertain myself, I have been keeping a log of my travels.