Men: The Inferior Gender
I have a strong dislike for the male gender as a whole. They smell, they make stupid comments, and they're inexplicably self-confident for no good reason.
Comedy Writing
Do Blondes Really Have More Fun?
Ladies and gentlemen, I have a secret. I have been living a lie for years now and I think it's about time I told you the truth. I am not a natural brunette. The carpets don't match the drapes.
LA-Bound: Onward and Acrossward
If you thought regular moving was a pain in the ass, try a 2,000+ mile move. At thsi point I'm just trying to get to my actual move date without having a nervous breakdown.
Back in the Saddle
As shocking as this may sound, I am once again a single woman. I did, however, hit a new personal best at the longest amount of time I've spent in a relationship: five months.
A Ballad to Beer
Oh shiny silver courage-in-a-can // So majestic, moist and bright // You keep my body cool and free // On a humid summer’s night.
How to Get Laid
Guys, I'm going to save you a lot of time on your ongoing quest to plow some fields. No longer will you have to plan on how to get into that girl's pants. I'm here to lay it all out for you.
The Womanly Freedoms of Summertime
I love summertime. The pool, the sun, the free pass to weary slutty clothes and not be judged for it... summer just allows so much more freedom for girls.
Ashley’s Celebrity “To Do” List
Every year around this time, I like to put together a 'to do' list, of sorts. Basically, it's a list of celebrities that I would do, no questions asked. This year's are more distinguished than previous ones.
Ashley Goes to the Urologist
I piss. A LOT. Finally, I was sick of the jokes, the ass chaffage from continual wiping, the hand dryness from repeatedly washing and drying them.
Long Distance Relationship Sex
Being in a long distance relationship is a lot of work. Especially for a lazy girl like me, who likes doing the bare minimum just to get by in every other aspect in life.
The First Date Curse
People have said to me, numerous times, that my standards are too high. I beg to differ. I can't help it that 98% of the men I've gone out with just weren't up to par.
Adventures in Airline Travel
From the time you enter the terminal to the moment you plop down in the plane itself, you go from feeling confused, to sexually violated, to utterly exhausted.