Man Up, Ladies
What if I could somehow incorporate a man's apathy towards the opinion of others with a woman's manipulation techniques?
Comedy Writing
Why I’m Never Having Kids
I made up my mind long ago that a) I have no desire to get married and b) I don't want children. It's one thing for a man to say this; it's entirely another thing for a woman to say this.
The Real World: Poorville
I'm going to let you in on a little secret: the real world sucks. Another secret: I am poorer now than I ever was in college. Here are some pointers I wish someone had told me while I was still in school.
Lifetime Movie Titles: The Ashley Garmany Interpretation
A Lifetime Original Movie is a lot like a car wreck: you know you shouldn't be looking at it and you'd never admit it to anyone, but you can't tear your eyes off it out of sheer morbid curiosity.
My Bachelor’s Degree in Bullshitting
The most important thing I learned in college is the art of bullshitting. Never in my life have I acquired a skill that proved to be so incredibly useful in the real world.
Ashley Goes to the Gynecologist
What exactly does a visit to the gyno entail? Basically, the doctor sticks this thing called a speculum inside your hoo-haa. Then things only get more awkward from there.
Dear Diary: Here’s What I Did on Valentine’s Day
Dear Diary, I didn't find the love of my life on February 13th. So now I've decided to give you a little play-by-play of my actual Valentine's Day as a poor single girl.
The Five Levels of Female Underwear Emergency
I've begun gauging how long I have left before I have to do laundry based on the type of underwear I'm wearing. Out of 5 levels, if US were on a Level 4, all domestic flights would be grounded.
Pain is Beauty: The Tribulations of Being a Woman
Being a woman is hard work. Seriously. The upkeep and maintenance required of women is not only psychologically trying, sometimes it's just downright torture.
How to Spot a Fake Orgasm
Guys, I'm going to help you out here. I'm going to go against Woman Code and tell you how to spot a fake orgasm using three dead giveaway clues from your girl.
The Great Female Weight Debate
Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. We're ladylike enough not to complain about your penis, so be gentlemanly enough to not complain that your woman doesn't look like Marissa Miller.
Very Merry Garmany Holiday Traditions
As I've grown up, I've developed my own set of traditions that I like to honor every year. I want to share these with you now, in hopes that you too will include them in your festivities.