Ben Hargrave | Points in Case

Ben Hargrave Brooklyn

Ben Hargrave is a comedian and writer in New York whose writing has appeared on Splitsider, McSweeney's, The Hard Times, The Higgs Weldon, The Tusk, Janice, Funny or Die, and Above Average. He also makes his own peanut butter and excels at farting around.

Comedy Writing

the man finds himself sad, on today of all days

The Awful Male Lead in a Rom-Com is Caught After Lying the Entire Movie

The forces of nature want us to be together until we die or I get bored, and here "forces of nature" means things I deliberately orchestrated.

by Ben Hargrave
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March 8, 2019

This Whole Flood Thing Sounds Pretty Bogus

It rains all the time and sometimes floods, but it’s never awful, so it wouldn’t surprise me if our Heavenly Father said this purely to make a fuss.

by Ben Hargrave
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October 20, 2018

Fun Things to Do in the Big City If You’re a Douchebag

Steal a seat from a pregnant woman who was about to sit down, then pull out a copy of "Angels & Demons" and bury your head in it.

by Ben Hargrave
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May 9, 2018

Armie Hammer’s Rehab Clinic for Actors Who Had to Dance on Film Once

My therapy center is called "Hammer Out Your Dance Demons," and is funded exclusively by me and by none of my family’s $200+ million fortune.

by Ben Hargrave
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April 16, 2018

Guy Fieri Resigns As Mayor of Flavortown

Apparently, my haters think I’m ‘off the hook’ but in a bad way, something I didn’t even know was possible.

by Ben Hargrave
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March 28, 2018

Revealing Excerpts From Winnie the Pooh’s Diary

June 17: Eeyore finally offed himself. We all knew it was coming, and what did we do? Did nothing, sed nothing. I shood have been a better friend. I shood have been there fore him.

by Ben Hargrave
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June 30, 2017

Will Someone Please Sleep With My Son?

My son is sick, and he needs your help. You see, there is only one way to cure him of the disease known as virginity: you must have sex with him.

by Ben Hargrave
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April 8, 2017

Settlers of Catan board with scolding Grandma

5 Gift Returns That Protest My Gift-Giver’s Worldview But Do Not Reflect My Enjoyment of Their Present

My uncle's Osprey Xenith 105 backpack would've been perfect, if only he hadn't decided to post "We should nuke the entire middel east!!!!" on Facebook.

by Ben Hargrave
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March 2, 2017

I’m Positive My Origin Story Means I’m Going to Be a Wizard Anytime Now

The postage wouldn’t stop coming and my uncle moved us into a motel, but the wizarding world still found me.

by Ben Hargrave
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February 10, 2017

Online Dating Made Me Realize I’m the One for Me

It was on my twelfth “cheat” sign-in to a dating site when I saw something that seemed utterly impossible: I matched with myself.

by Ben Hargrave
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October 20, 2016

An Open Letter to Jay-Z and Beyoncé, My Roommates’ Neglected Cats

At night you claw at my door to let you in, hoping in vain that you might find more affection from me. It's become too much really.

by Ben Hargrave
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October 7, 2016