I’m the Guy Who Deletes Your Job Application When You Apply Through an Online Job Board
But no one really knows what they want when they’re hiring, and that’s why there’s me. To get rid of people like you. Quality people.
Comedy Writing
How to Stop Teenagers from Making Fun of You in Public
If they say something like, "Nice cowboy hat, asshole," pretend you didn’t hear—even though you're the only asshole wearing one.
Acid Flashback, or Did You Forget to Take Off Your Jacket in a Restaurant?
You can’t move your arms as much as you’d like.
My Dog’s Actually Very Friendly, She’ll Let Go in a Minute
She usually finds people uninteresting, unless she smells fear. You’re not nervous are you?
Are You Familiar with My Podcast, Your Honor?
It’s a tri-weekly show hosted by me on the Pep Boys Podcast Network. Don’t bother looking that network up, just trust it exists.
Termites and What Else to Expect on My Houseboat Airbnb
The smell is totally normal. Nothing’s leaking. A lot of boats smell like this. It could be all the eggs I’ve been eating lately.