What I Imagine a Slow News Day Is Like
7:45 AM: I turn the TV on while I make breakfast. The hosts are showing how to make crab cakes for fifteen minutes straight.
Dual citizen, air drummer, em dash user, and advertising creative director — in that order.
7:45 AM: I turn the TV on while I make breakfast. The hosts are showing how to make crab cakes for fifteen minutes straight.
SWYTCH? ZOOTAXY? FROUZY? You don't think we can tell? Oh, we can tell.