Carrie Pinkard profile page

Carrie Pinkard Tampa, Florida

Comedy writer based in the decrepit basement of the United States: Tampa, Florida.

Comedy Writing

Remember how excited you were about the pottery wheel that’s now a hat rack? Or the sourdough starter you ate raw on day three?

The Gingerbread House from Hansel and Gretel: Start a new magical chapter in your storybook with this enchanted cottage built entirely out of candy!

I think we can all agree that Janet’s character development has been virtually nonexistent since her divorce from Paul.

Once upon a midnight dreary, a man was scrolling, weak and weary.

Take a few breaths, now a few more breaths. Are you really wheezing already? That was only the second trip to the U-Haul.

Stakes are high, and friendships will be severed. But as Paul’s prominent bicep tattoo says, “All’s Fair in Love and Pub Trivia.”

He loves late-night, steamy phone calls when I’m home alone. I always tell him it’s such a boomer move but he just loves hearing my voice!

You spent 49 hours listening to our ear-piercing message alert sound…

Bear from "Bear in the Big Blue House" Is a Landlord: He has converted his Big Blue House into nine tiny, poorly ventilated studio apartments.

She has experienced the perfect amount of sexual oppression and shame to properly teach your daughters about their growing bodies.

Very hard to get a hold of. / Rarely available but never disappears forever. / Covered in BBQ sauce.

Mina, it's me Drac! 479 is the new 35! Please message me back. I’m going batshit crazy without you.