Announcement: I Am Getting into Classical Music
Beethoven, Mozart, the one who wrote the song that plays during "Ocean’s 11" when they’re looking at the fountains. Yup, all those guys. And probably more.
Comedy Writing
A Plea to Raise the Millennial Stay Ceiling
It appears you believe I am actually leaving in a few days. This is not accurate. These ceiling deals are always a bit of a work in progress.
Introducing the Apple Car
That hood and the entire car frame is made out of Gorilla Glass, the material you smudge every day and crack every other week on your iPhone screen.
If Fighting Climate Change Means Slowing Down the Surging Wild Pig Population, Count Me Out
Good news… feral pigs are now in 39 states. Thank you, climate change! You spoil us with this superabundance of invasive swines.
Bob Mueller Can’t Tell Anybody He Completed “Twisted Metal 2” in Record Time
I really can't tell anybody this part but I doubt I will ever feel a pride as strong as when I watched Minion explode in front of Mr. Grimm's bike.
Apolitical Questions the Senate Judiciary Committee Members Wish They Could Ask Supreme Court Nominees
Is there a Supreme Court bowling team called “Divided Court-United Ballers?” If not, why?
A Few Thoughts About That Video You Recorded After My Root Canal
I will be sure to keep you updated on all the social metrics. I still care about you, and the kids (our kids), and our social media numbers.
Angry Tweets from a Passenger on the Oregon Trail
We only have 700 miles left! Might be dehydration or crippling fever but think I love these friggin people! Thank you @OTBoltWagons! #final4