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The Dirty Rat lives the life you wish you could! The Dirty Rat is a psychologist and philosophical guru. You have issues? The Rat has answers. The idea man hasn’t met a carnal problem that he couldn’t solve, a sexual more he couldn’t define, a frigid mind and body that he couldn’t melt. He has transformed the lives of millions of our fellow citizens for the better – most of them unsuspecting women. You just think that is his finger.

Comedy Writing

The Monkey and the Horse

My friend Todd went out with a big girl. When I say big, I don't mean fat, I mean AMAZONIAN. This is the story of their first and only awkward hookup.

The Toilet Economic Development Index

If you want to know where a particular nation ranks on the scale of haves and have-nots, all you need is a brief study of the average sanitation facility in a domestic environment.

Confessions of a Sperm Donor

Sperm donation is not, as depicted in Hollywood, a one-off business supplied by broke college students in a madcap adventure, or women who spit. It's serious (satisfying) business.

The HIV Test

The sweat starts pouring when they put you in the room to wait for your STD results. Even if you have nothing to worry about, the pits get a little damp. Such is fucking life.

The Evolution of Breasts

Why did female homo sapiens end up with curvaceous figures while our mammalian brethren can only gaze upon flat skin and droopy nipples? The answer is both complex and childish.

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