I Don’t Whistle in the Office Because I Want To, I Do It Because I Have To
The nine-to-five can be a grind, so if I’m not attempting to boost morale by blaring high-pitched ditties at every opportunity, then what use am I?
Comedy Writing
What You (a Humble, Highly-Skilled Nepalese Sherpa) Can Learn from Me (a Rich, Inexperienced Western Thrill-Seeker) About Climbing Mount Everest
You raised some concerns that a lot of us have zero climbing experience. Just so you know, I watched a bunch of climbing videos.
We’d Love to Pay You More, But We’d Rather Spend It on Boats and Cocaine
It’s just not something we care to do, because of our uncontrollable desire to own all of the boats and all of the cocaine.
Your Ego’s Writing Checks Your Body Can’t Cash! That’s Why You’re the Perfect Candidate for Our Top Gun Overdraft Protection Program
You’re in the top one percent of all naval aviators, with "a need, a need for speed." But I think you have a serious need for fiscal responsibility.
Advice for Dealing with the Stranger (Nicolas Cage?) Living in Your Walls
Install a shower in there so he’s not hogging your family’s only bathroom while you sleep. His hair is always getting clogged in the drain.
As Your Virtual Doctor, I Can’t Give You the Results of Your Brain Surgery Until You Smash That “Like” Button
Patients need to smash that so my bosses can track the popularity of this service, which will result in more financial support from our advertisers.
To the Horror Movie Villain Who’s Definitely Not Hiding Behind My Curtains
Are you embarrassed that I called you out, and now suffer from some sort of movie monster performance anxiety?