Comedy Writing

Disorient/Dejected

They had a separate orientation for people in the dorms (a non-stop 7-day party) and a those who live off-campus (we had lukewarm coffee). This place is like Nazi Germany.

College Party Planning

Brush up on everything from invitations and keg-buying to music and mood lighting. Just try to keep the blacklight away from the jizz stains.

The Friendship Zone

I have 'Class Friends'. These are friends I met in class, and the only thing we have in common is that we're in the same class together.

Pyrotechnic/Recreational

You haven't heard loud music until you've spent a night in the dorms. One guy will be playing acid techno really loud with his door open, driving everyone crazy.

Rejected Column Ideas

For every great article about "Friend Hookers," there are dozens of articles that don't "make the cut." I have compiled a list of several such articles to illustrate my point.

Telegram/Arachnid

I don't know why I even have a phone. Nobody ever calls me. Now all they use is Instant Messenger, which, when you think about it, is really a step down from phones.

On Tardiness

One of my many pet peeves, along with useless small dogs and useless large dogs, is the unfortunate tendency people have to be late.

Back in the Day

Remember when cubbyholes beat backpacks? When video games were beatable? When this column reminisced? No? Then start reading.

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