How You’ll Defer the Draft Based on Your Star Sign
Aries: You’re no conformist! You’ve accepted that and so should the US government. They haven’t though, so you’ll fake your own death.
Comedy Writing
Something Sinful is Afoot at the Pence House
“The Devil is endless with his trickery, why else would he disguise himself as Phil Collins!”
Bullets Beg America: Please Stop Bullying Us!
Okay, we’re a large part of literally every war, but so are doctors and no one blames them.
Erotica by a Woman Pretending to Be a Man Who is Pretending to Be a Woman
Her nipples were like CD-ROMS, perfectly circular, and any man could see themselves in them.
Google Translation for Work-Appropriate Self-Evaluations
How do you rate your performance? Your Answer: This place would crumble without me. Work Appropriate Answer: I have the utmost confidence in myself.
Halloween Costumes for the Anxiety Riddled
Your giant black hole costume can be made with simple, all black clothes, ensuring no one notices you (not that you needed any help with that).
I’m Just a Bride, Standing in Front of Her Bridesmaids, Asking Them to Answer My Fucking Texts
I sent another text last night. I get that 3 AM is late, but that’s why I made all of you set your text tones to the sound of your children crying!
The Most Elusive and Devious Threat to the North Korean Summit is Carmen Sandiego
Trump’s plan to top the gesture is to acquire a bigger, more ornate envelope! The world’s largest! Carmen Sandiego can't resist a prize like this.
Realistic Financial Goals By Age 35
Relationships are about one thing, and one thing only: affordable housing. Find someone who doesn’t smell too bad and lock it down.
Dennis Rodman Worries His Friends Are Hanging Out Without Him
Honestly? I should get the Peace Prize. I started this friendship, but whatever, no one seems to care and Donny will take credit, yet again.
The Many Phones of Michael Cohen
7. Michael Cohen calls his tailors with this phone. When ordering suits he tends to use the phrase “make someone notice me, please.”
Boy Scout Cookies
Dad Bod Mints: Like the popular “Thin Mints,” but thicker, and with a little bit of hair.