<p><strong>A reading from the Letter of Saint Nicholas to the Grinchians:</strong></p><p>And the Sixth Angel broke the Sixth Seal and did release strange creatures, which did solemnly look not unto like a bunch of really high people cosplaying at a Comic Con. </p>
<p>G'Day, Mates!</p>
When it comes to sexy werewolves, the balance is tipped firmly to my side of the scale, since they're pretty much skewed towards a gay audience. Here are the top 5 sexiest!
<p>Mornin', Magical Molluscs! </p><p>Well, Spain has gone home with the World Cup (<a href="/columns/andrei-trostel/men-vs-women-which-more-sexual#statue">or statue; thanks Andrei!</a>), the various team captains are chained nude in the dry well in my baseme...er, returning to their home countries; and Paul the Psychic Octopus, who successfully predicted the winner of each and every match, has officially retired back to the bottom of the sea to spend his winnings on Aqua-whores with Ariel and Sebastian (you didn't think he was giving the stuff out for free, did you?) rather than ending up in seafood gumbo or squid ink pasta.</p>
<p>Ciao, Cenotaphs,</p><p>One of the disadvantages of Mortality is this whole "Death" thing. Oh sure, you might have been a race-car driving, crime-fighting playboy neurosurgeon who owned a conglomerate of carbon neutral orphanages for baby seals, but one fatal mistake and you'll be "that guy who died with the beehive up his arse." People, please try and shuffle off this mortal coil in dignified circumstances, lest you find yourselvs turning up your toes under an eternal monument like one of these...</p>
Haley's success in the role Englund made famous got me thinking about other famous monsters throughout the years.
<p>Ia, Insectivores!</p><p>Your Entomological Word of the Day:</p>
<p>Aloha, Anurans!<br /><br />I never thought I'd see the day when an Australian gave up the fight against our lethally-venomous, spined, poisonous, or just plain curmudgeonly bad-assed flora and fauna (as I write this, my niece is fending off a dingo with her broken baby formula bottle) but the Australian Government released a statement this week that our war against the Cane Toad is lost.
<p>Bonjour, Big Birds!</p><p>Today, your Accident-Attracting Antipodean Auteur once again spent some time being taught some fucked up life lessons at the School of Randomly Bizarre Happenings, which I have been unwilling enrolled in for some time now, and which apparently holds weekend classes. Here's some highlights from today's curriculum of chaos. </p>
<p>Ciao, Cupids!<br /><br />Like the guy with the sweet ass and the spinnerets says, "with great power comes great responsibility".</p>
<p>Viva Videodromers!</p><p>Well, 2009 was quite a mixed popcorn bag, cinematically speaking. For every delicious fluffy nugget of yummy cinematic goodness, there were the films that stood in for the awful, tasteless shit they put on the popcorn that I have no difficulty whatsoever believing is not butter.</p>
<p><img alt="" />Yello, Yuletiders!!<br /><br />You might find references to some of your jolly scrobe's own personal favourite Seasonal Slaughterfests in the following merry little traditional carol that I just this moment made up to wish you all a Happy Holiday season...<br /><br /><br />'Twas the night before Christmas, and in his house in R'lyeh,<br />