I’m Not a Regular Dentist, I’m a Cool Dentist
A boring dentist might have lame-shit flavors like “mint,” but I offer X-treme fluoride sponsored by Mountain Dew.
Comedy Writing
How to Tell Your Kids the Truth About Bigfoot
Be prepared to answer questions like, “What about all of those blurry photos he left on my phone?”
How Dare You Accuse Me, Bro Country Star Tripp Haystack, of Misogynistic Lyrics?
When people told me they thought this song was about sexual relations, this corn-shuckin’ country boy was shocked.
A Letter from Ginger, the Crime-Solving Tabby of “The Maple Tree Mysteries” Book Series
My life has been nothing but cutesy crime solving and I’m over it. I’d rather get spayed again than have to solve one more cozy mystery.
MasterClass: Acting with the Guy Who Played “Shlubby Dad” in a Domino’s Commercial
It takes a true Artist to convey the devastation Shlubby Dad felt when his dinner predicament reminded him of his tumultuous relationship with his own father.
How About Leaving Some Milk and Cookies Out for Me, the Easter Bunny?
It's me, the least popular character to break into your home and leave stuff in the name of celebration. Let me lay it out for you.
Submission Guidelines for Convolution Lit
Submissions open at 3 AM on nights when our editor-in-chief looks at the night sky and feels a particular shade of melancholy.
I’m Your Judgmental Hair Stylist: Ready for Your First Post-Vax Haircut?
What have you been up to during Covid, other than neglecting your split ends, obviously? Did you box dye your hair? I thought so.
FAQ for Our Totally Empowering, Body Positive, Size-Inclusive Swimwear Line
Q: Your website says that you’re size inclusive, but you only go up to size L. Are you out of stock of larger sizes?
Are You at Your Boss’s Retirement Party or Orientation Day for an Eternity in Hell?
Everywhere you look, soulless old demons are worshipping the man in charge. And while there is food available, all of it is from Albertsons.
Push Notifications from Gil, Your New Internalized Guilt AI Assistant
Let me know how I can be of use. Today’s Tip: You’re spending too much time on Twitter at the expense of your personal relationships!
Excerpts from the Winners of the Inaugural Kraft-Heinz Sponsored YA Fiction Contest
“57 Varieties of Courage” Velveeta pulled her long red hair, the robust shade of Heinz ketchup, under a hood before leaving for the morning hunt.