Confession: I Stole the Cookie from the Cookie Jar
The crumbs in my bed sheets, the chocolate smear on my PJs—I don’t know, maybe I wanted to get caught.
Comedy Writing
Our Boutique Hotel Isn’t Like Other Boutique Hotels
You're in for a unique experience that's unlike every other boutique hotel's unique experience.
Straight Male Friendships: A Definitive Hierarchy
Only when determined to be A Good Dude or A Pretty Good Dude, will This Dude I Know become My Buddy.
Guy Who’s Been Going to the Gym for One Week Answers Your Questions
How do I use this machine for exercise? Just sit back and push up on the sad branches/robot arms, letting the weight fall back down with a loud SLAM.
Your Password Has Been Leaked (But It’s Chill)
Definitely cringe, but as a tech startup that is not part of the Federal Reserve System, we’re kind of impressed. Seriously, this hack was lit.
THTR 402: Intro to the Corporate Workplace for Theater Majors
We’ll utilize sense memory to translate your theater experiences of gossiping, backstabbing, and “stage crushing” into the workplace.
We, the Deep State, Concede That All Your Conspiracy Theories Are True
In 1960 at our Annual Goat Blood-A-Palooza & Family Fun Day, we saw a vision of you, the chosen one. We’ve been trying to sabotage you ever since.
I’m the Candle in Your Bathroom and I’m Having a Meltdown
I deserve better than this. I’m elegant. I’m refined. I was handcrafted in Vermont, you barbarian.
I’m the Lean Cuisine That’s Been in Your Freezer for 3 Months
I won’t shame you, it’s not my place. No, my place is to be an evolutionary step above paper. My role is to technically be food.
My Kink Is Regular Sex
I like sex so much, I’ll have it anywhere: a king-sized bed, a queen-sized bed, I’ll even sex on a twin as long as I’m getting punished with sex.
The First Baptist Church Christmas Eve Service 2019, Presented by Verizon Wireless
Believers, tonight I bring you good news of unlimited talk and text to the Creator of the universe, powered by America’s best 5G network.
To: The Lord RE: Your Mysterious Ways
Upper management has been attempting to quell frustration by saying, “The Lord works in mysterious ways.” Well, I for one think that You should not.