I never finished college. I joined the Air Force instead. Since I've joined, I've learned two things: one, everyone in the AF is a fighter pilot, and two, free health and dental is frickin' sweet. I am the author of "Fringe Benefits" and "The Scriptures of Tyrone," both of which are literary masterpieces. I also wrote a bunch of front-page articles that are awesome. White people are stealing all our jobs and keeping potpourri a profitable commodity.