How Much Denim is Appropriate for the Holidays?
While you're sipping the sugary egg nectar known as "nog," take a moment to look down below your torso. What type of textile is trimming your thighs? Thought so.
Comedy Writing
Your Cat Hates You, Guaranteed
Your cat views you as its food whore and excretion technician during the day. At night, your cat sits in the dark like an egg-laying hen, fantasizing your end days.
I Was Good in Bed, Right?
Can you hear my grunts? Can you feel how slippery my body has become? The truth is, this is more than sex to me.
It’s Monday, And I Want to Fire a Harpoon Gun at Anyone Who’s Chipper
It's Monday, and I've created a game where you put some humility into hyperbole and tell people how Mondays really make you feel.
I Shop at Target for the Hot Moms
Walmart has better prices and Kohl's has better selection, but Target has way hotter moms. And it might be part of a flawless marketing strategy to attract men.
How to Have Sex with Dolphins
For years the modern man has been fascinated by the dolphin's purported ability to have sex for pleasure. But to get a dolphin in the mood, it needs proper foreplay.
18 Reasons to Believe Peyton Manning is Actually a Cyborg
Tony Dungy wants to take over the world for religious purposes; Peyton Manning wants to take over the world for world domination purposes.
Why You Have a Hard-On for Fantasy Football
The combination of instant gratification and illusion of power is what makes Fantasy Football the cyber-Viagra that it is. You are the coach, the GM, and the cheerleader.
Goodbye Old Friend: An Open Letter to Khaki Shorts
From wedding rehearsals, to cookouts, to sporting events, you've clothed my legs creaseless and made me appear super-intelligent. But now your time is over.
The Ten Commandments of Social Media Status Updates
#3: Thou Shalt Disguise Narcissism with Humility. This means learning to effectively implement the "humble brag." If you can't do that, just boast instead, whatever.
BuzzFeed Looks Back at the 2010’s, 20 Years from Now
BuzzFeed use the beaten-horse style of nostalgic prose so predictably and effectively, that we've already written an excerpt of what you'll see in 2034.
5 Movies Where Bruce Willis Doesn’t Act Like a Badass
I was curious to see what the rare, softer side of Bruce Willis is like, so I forfeited my masculinity and endured some shitty, yet wholesome cinema to find out.