Awkward Hookup or Assembling an IKEA Dresser?
Every position you try is somehow the wrong one. / Things that should be lubricated are decidedly not, and vice versa.
Comedy Writing
U.S. Presidents Order at Starbucks
Ulysses S. Grant: A cup of whole beans--Starbucks Christmas Blend--to eat raw as he squashes his enemies.
I Am Your Houseplant and I Am Begging You to Leave Me Alone
For the last time, put the shears down and get a hobby already. Calligraphy. Magic. Something that doesn't involve innocent living things.
No, Our Restaurant Was Not “Shut Down,” We Are Simply Pivoting
Our organic farm-to-table eatery is now also BYOM (Bring Your Own Meals). That’s right. You bring the food, we bring the vibes.