A Real New Yorker’s Guide to the Real New York, Really
First, don’t ever call it the Big Apple. That’s embarrassing. The locals call it Nork-Nork. As in, “Welcome to Nork-Nork, dumb-dumb!"
Comedy Writing
So You’re Bored Enough to Read the Back of the Package
We want to extend our deepest gratitude to you for believing in our potato chips. Those other people who didn’t buy our chips can go right to hell.
The Marketing Pitch for Pears
Pears have all the qualities you love in an apple, but with a fresh, edgy, devil-may-care attitude.
A Resignation Letter from Skinny Jeans
While you were busy arguing about whether or not I’m still in style, did you ever stop to consider my feelings?
I’m the Person Ahead of You in Line to Order Food
I see that people are putting the so-called food into their mouths. Can you tell me what that's like? How does it feel when it's inside your mouth?