<p>Now I know last year the University of Cincinnati Bearcats beat the Southern Florida DeGraafs and embarrassed you on your own home field, but this year it will be different. I'll admit there is no way my team is going to come anywhere close to beating the DeGraffs this year.
<p>So while taking a dump in the library bathroom at the University of Cincinnati, I took the time to read everything written on the wall. Most of it is just people calling each other fags in a conversation that goes "You're a fag, no, you a fag, fag," and so on for half a stall door. The only message that really peaked my interest was one that said :<br />
Are you a tool that no one would dare be seen with? Do you show up at parties and stand there talking to no one because you’re a creeper? Well stop living in the past and add some Limp Bizkit style to your life. You can start by doing everything for the n
Seriously. I know this is a little late in all, but I still think about it on a daily basis. I was a swimmer for a good chunk of my life and still swim to stay in shape. But every four years I have to listen to people preach to me like they know something about swimming. News flash, you don't know shit about swimming from watching a 1 minute race, or listening to announcers.
Dad: You sure you're not working too much?<br />Me: I only worked 40 hours and went to 18 hours worth of class.<br />Dad: That's not too much?<br />Me: Just living the American Dream I guess.<br />
<p>So when there is nothing to do in the fine suburbs of Cincinnati, we play dice in the alleys behind my friends house. My friend was blessed and born into a rich family, unlike the rest of us who were born into middle class. So the alley of choice was between his house and his neighbors, which was more of an alley than a driveway. So that's what we do.
<p>I hate you, which creates terrible conflict in my life, because I love smoking pot. My favorite thing about smoking pot is the conversations that follow.
Unlike weed though, one hit of Salvia lets you know that you are a fragile being, and that it's about to fuck you harder than most prison inmates would.
Is it possible to rock a hooker’s world? Could I get a hooker to pay me? Only way to find out is to put my penis to work in one.
George Washington gets word that a stage coach with Martha inside was captured by terrorists, and proceeds to school John Adams on dealing with the situation.
An old woman lingers after hours at the DVD store trying to pick a movie, so one employee takes it upon himself to recommend the saddest comedy ever.
I have no clue where I am, and I think the world is ending. Lasers are shooting at me from the stage, and Kanye West is there, dancing and singing like a 14-year-old girl.