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Dublin, CA

I'm the guy right across the street wearing the "Honx if yous from the Bronx" t-shirt. Go to the window. Seriously. What have you got to lose? Just take a peak. It'll only take a second. There you go. No, over to the left. See me? I'm waving. No, over here. Up more. Right there. God, you're so gullible...

Comedy Writing

Greetings, Your Honor

<div style="clear:both;"></div><p class="MsoNormal">Hey, my name’s Christopher and yours was Marla. We met 3 days ago at John Barleycorn’s. You took me back to your place and I fucked you a couple times. We didn’t really hit it off, but the thing is, I left my watch (it was a gift from someone special). Maybe you can send it? </p> <p class="MsoNormal">I’ve got a P.O. Box: 3455. </p>

Top-Notch Masturbait

<div style="clear:both;"></div><p class="MsoNormal">For the woman I saw at the Sixth Street Applebee’s last night stuffing her face with a heaping pile of extra beef nachos: Remember when I asked you if you needed a napkin and you just leaned over and used my t-shirt? </p> <p class="MsoNormal">I canNOT stop thinking about you. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Jerry 918-826-12--</p>

I Changed My Mind

<div style="clear:both;"></div><p class="MsoNormal">To the woman I may or may not have groped at Margie’s Tap last night: Can’t you fight your own battles?<span style=""> </span>--Steve</p> <p class="MsoNormal">P.S. Tell your “date” he’ll be hearing from my “lawyer.” Sound it out real slow for him. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>

Love Ula

<div style="clear:both;"></div><p class="MsoNormal">Okay, here’s what I’m envisioning: We start off with some rough foreplay (eye-gouging/asphyxiation/mutual bestiality [MB], etc…) and work our way up to the big stuff. I want you to make me feel like the dirtiest whore on the planet, so we’re going to need a pretty big bag of manure and a gallon or so of brine water.

Missed Connections

m4w: I met you at this year's Rosemont White Power Rally. I was the fairly tall gentlemen with blond hair and blue eyes.<br />You were fairly tall---with blond hair and blue eyes.<br />Tim Johnson (205) 323-85--<br /><br /><br />Your eyes told me, "I want to fuck you," but your mouth said, "Go fuck yourself, Creep."<br />I say, "Can't we do both?"<br />Call me! Ken (925) 828-42--<br /><br />

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