Merch from Elite Colleges I Did Not Attend
My Princeton hoodie, whose drawstrings are connected to my arms, so if you pull them you can turn me into your personal puppet.
Comedy Writing
The Difference Between the Meanings of Ethnic Names and White Names
Farvardin: One who protects the good and the pure / Wendy: Says "I love you" way too frivolously
Phrases I’ve Heard from People I’ve Never Seen Again
Text me your name, so I have it in my phone! / How long have you been in New York? We have to get together!