Avatar
Prescott, Az

Omar Kitrich was born in Palo Alto, Ca in 1982. He was educated at The Menlo School and The University of Chicago, where he studied philosophy. He comments primarily on "the exasperatingly recursive nature of all human endeavors". Mr. Kitrich resides in Chicago. Mr Bartel studied philosophy, specializing in Ancient Greek. He enjoys baseball, chess, history and tanning. He counts his primary literary influences as Christopher Pike, Kool Keith, Eazy-E, the 9-11 Commission Report, and Jim Jones before he started the cult.

Comedy Writing

The Tan

A while ago, I was confronted with the stark reality of my life, and I knew I had to make some changes. It was my fault; I see that now. I had been sabotaging my future for months, with the deviousness of an arsonist out of Palm Springs.

My Dealer Credit is Bad

At a time when most hardworking Americans are concerned with the auspices of an economic recession, I too have been financially impacted, in a very personal way. A while ago, I ran up a small debt with a friend; what follows is a raw, unadulterated account of the emails sent by my friend as he tried to maintain grasp of the tenuous, and increasingly theoretical, outstanding debt.

I’ll See You in the Office

<p>Hey, remember me? Your old buddy from high school! How ya doin? Ya look great. Me, I'm still living with my parents. Right now I don't have a job, but I'm trying to keep sending out positive vibes, so I'll get a sweet job, like being in charge of the police' evidence locker.</p>

A Very Personal Message

When I was in college, I had good friends from India, England, France, Bahrain, Turkey and Bulgaria. My Indian friends identified themselves as Brahmins, and there were certain things they would not do. One day, we were playing ping-pong, and my buddy Amit was close to beating my buddy Ram, when the ball bounced into a large, plastic garbage can.

International House Invites You to “Da Bomb”

<p style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin: 0px">International House would like to invite you to the biggest party of the year, "Da Bomb."  With six DJs, and over 600 speakers, this is an event that will not let you down.</p>

Tonight, I Will Sex You

<p style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin: 0px">Beth, tonight is the night when I will finally sex you.  I know you've been waiting for this moment for a long time.  I could tell, from the way you looked at me, that you wanted me to sex you.</p>

I’m On this Quest for Truth, or Some Shit

<p style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin: 0px">I'm on this fruity quest for the ultimate reality, or some shit like that.  That's what the philosophy 101 instructor was flapping his gums about for an hour this afternoon.  But I can't remember exactly, since I had just blazed one.</p>

How Much You Bench?

<p style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin: 0px">How much you bench?  It's a simple question.  And I don't mean to be antagonistic.  It is a natural question for one guy to ask another.  So, how much you bench?</p>

×Close