Abraham Lincoln’s Address at the Gettysburg Target
We cannot hallow—this ground, except of course by playing a consciousness-altering stream of Christmas songs in November and December without pause.
Comedy Writing
15 Printed Onesies Worn by Babies Who Will Eventually Struggle to Move Up Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
25% Mommy, 25% Daddy, 25% Mommy’s Yoga Coach, 15% Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Tinder Guy Who Was Into Daddy and Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Lube, 100% PERFECT ME!
Your Call Is Totally Unimportant to Us
Have you tried just turning your phone off and back on again? That usually seems to work for most dumb problems like yours.
A Conversation Between German Chancellor Angela Merkel and the Guy with a Mask Dangling from One Ear at the Speed-N-Go
My mask's jerky hole? Yes, what’s that? It’s a hole for eating jerky. I don’t think that works. Please don’t. Oh, you’re showing me already.