Prometheus Thinks You’re Going a Little Overboard with Fire
Fire's just supposed to be a pretty thing you look at sometimes. Like a lava lamp, but it can kill you.
Comedy Writing
I’m a Movie Villain and Here Are 40 Reasons We’re Not So Different, You and I
I murdered your wife, and you got pretty mad at me for doing that. We’ll call that one a tie. We’re both people!
Welcome to My House, from Which I’ve Removed All Trace of How I Live
Put it on this coat rack, where all of my coats are. Is that because I regularly put my coats on the coat rack, rather than strewing them on the floor?
Oscar Wilde Gets a Little Lost in the Sauce
He could tell at once that this luncheon’s company would be quite dull, which was always exciting.
Theoretical Physicist Michio Kaku Asked Me to Stop Sending Him These Solutions to the Grandfather Paradox
Anyone who tries to create a paradox gets stopped by theoretical physicist Michio Kaku and his incredible superpowers.
What Your Favorite Taylor Swift Album Says About Where You Were at the Time of Lady Ashby’s Murder
"Fearless" -- You see the glass as half-full, not half-empty. That includes the glass of tea which you brought to Lady Ashby the day she died.
Boy, That Guy, I Tell You
He ruffles my feathers. He overcooks my sunny-side-up eggs. You know what I mean? Really Mondays my Garfield.
Nathaniel Hale Has Some Additional Regrets, Actually
I regret that I have but one chance to offer a high five to the executioner while I’m on the gallows and then say, "Hey, don’t leave me hanging!"
Goosebumps Books You Almost Remember
Goosebumps #11: The Currency Exchange For Monsters: Monsters Have Currency Exchanges, I Guess
That There’s Oil. Texas Tea. Economy Slime. Hot Rockolate.
Iced lava. Coal brew. There Was Blood, A Long Time Ago. Dinosaur Smoothie. Tyrannosaurus rocks. Triceratopped off.
I Miss the Days When Men Were Men and Women Were Something Strange and Terrible We Don’t Dare Discuss
Things were easier then. Parents were parents, children were children, and unlike today’s children, they didn’t grow into adults either.
It Was Foolish of You to Match Wits with an Anti-Vaxxer, Detective
I’m a different breed altogether. How will you catch a man who does his own research?