Buddy? You Just Messed with the RIGHT Guy!
Worried I might embark on a border-spanning bloody warpath? You think I have that many air miles saved up?
Comedy Writing
Dueling Tips from a Veteran Duelist
Judicial combat is a seminal moment and, with a record of 22-0 (humans) and 1-1 (trumpeter swan, with rematch), you’ve come to the right person for advice!
Essential Questions to Ask Your Exorcist
"What’s your schedule?" Exorcism is a nonstop, 24/6 career and the Devil loves dropping in unannounced, so you’ll want your exorcist on-call.
Aliens Exist… and They’re Freaking Babes
Atheists say there are no higher powers, but the first time you see a Neptoid’s sponges you’ll realize atheists don’t know shit.
Local Valentine’s Day Outings for the Unreluctantly Single
Visit The Zoo: The animal kingdom accepts open displays of weeping.
I’ve Traveled Back in Time to Be on the Forbes “30 Under 30”
With the last dregs of humanity, I became one of the lucky few to be invited into a reinforced bunker (along with my pal Mike, who is not as grateful).