Sydney, Australia

Stand~up comic and writer based in Sydney, Australia.



Jokes

Holy crap! Who is that? I thought you asked if I wanted to see a dad body.

— Matthew Davies,

You say I’m a terrible dad but my other family doesn’t think so.

— Matthew Davies,

People refer to us as a spiritual couple but I think they just mean poor.

— Matthew Davies,

Smart kids are gifted, smart adopted kids are re-gifted.

— Matthew Davies,

Groundhog Day means six more weeks of winter. Ground Beef Week means we’re eating like kings.

— Matthew Davies,

“Nice zombie costume!” the kids at Halloween exclaimed as I opened the door in my usual work-from-home clothes.

— Matthew Davies,

My word is my bond, unless you’re my landlord, in which case it’s $2,200.

— Matthew Davies,

My family gave me a smartwatch for Christmas. I’m hoping it will help with my 12 steps.

— Matthew Davies,
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