Melia Hagino profile page

Melia Hagino Brooklyn, NY

Melia Hagino (she/they) is an actor, comedian and liar based in Brooklyn, if you even care. Their writing has been featured in such illustrious publications as the Boston Globe, the New England Journal of Medicine, and McSweeney's. We regret to inform you that Melia is a nepo baby-- their dad is also Asian.

Comedy Writing

I’m Your Mom, and I Got You the World’s Ugliest Shirt for Christmas

Don’t you love it? It’s got a nice high collar, but three-quarters-length sleeves, so it’s not too formal.

by Melia Hagino
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December 25, 2024

College Packing List, Questionable Performance Art, and a 911 Call

Keith Jeep prepares his daughter for college, public performance art goes awry, and Jean Collins makes her most daring call yet.

by Noah Cohen-Greenberg, Melia Hagino, Sam Mermin and Lucy Walker
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August 3, 2021

Sly Hiring Techniques, Kids Art Camp Review, and Space Jam 2

Scott Scranton advises struggling employers, an art critic dissects Somerville Art Camp for kids, and PIC has hot takes on Space Jam 2.

by Noah Cohen-Greenberg, Melia Hagino, Sam Mermin and Lucy Walker
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July 27, 2021

Keith Jeep at the Beach, Jean Collins Live On-Air, and Dating Advice

Keith Jeep escapes the forest for the beach, the tables turn as Jean Collins is interviewed live on air, plus tried and true dating advice.

by Noah Cohen-Greenberg, Melia Hagino, Sam Mermin and Lucy Walker
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July 20, 2021

Playful Cheeseburger Sliders, Motherly Advice, and a Sincere Apology

Glen Lentil goes patty wild, our horoscope writer just wants what's best for you, and a pool manager owns up to an honest mistake.

by Noah Cohen-Greenberg, Melia Hagino, Sam Mermin and Lucy Walker
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July 13, 2021

The Keith Jeep Foundation, Little Douglas, and Hot or Not

Keith Jeep’s new foundation stands up for invertebrate rights, and Jean Collins digs in to the mind of Little Doug, a bright young American.

by Noah Cohen-Greenberg, Melia Hagino, Sam Mermin and Lucy Walker
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July 6, 2021

Cheap Summer Vacations, Blueberry Pancakes, and MLB Courtesy

Scott Scranton explains how to vacay cheaper this summer—without sacrificing fun. Plus, Glen Lentil's blueberry pancakes from the heart.

by Noah Cohen-Greenberg, Melia Hagino, Sam Mermin and Lucy Walker
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June 29, 2021

Little League Inspiration, Summer Gift Guide, and Sustainable Living

Get suitable gift ideas for any run-of-the-mill person, and tips for reusing leftovers from Sarah Reelwomin (NOT a raccoon).

by Noah Cohen-Greenberg, Melia Hagino, Sam Mermin and Lucy Walker
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June 22, 2021

Dangerous Pasta Salad and Safe Stock Tips

Glen Lentil's bold summer pasta recipe, Scott Scranton's safest buy/sell stock picks, and blowout deals at Morty's Asbestos Emporium.

by Noah Cohen-Greenberg, Melia Hagino, Sam Mermin and Lucy Walker
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June 15, 2021

DIY Bird Feeders and Everyday US Patriots

Join our new big-name columnists for a savory summer of defining opinions. Foodie life, advice, home improvement, interviews, and horoscopes.

by Noah Cohen-Greenberg, Melia Hagino, Sam Mermin and Lucy Walker
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June 8, 2021

This Is a Robbery, and Also My Birthday Party

Empty your pockets. Phones out, now! And you know what? While you’re doing that, why don’t you all sing Happy Birthday?

by Noah Cohen-Greenberg and Melia Hagino
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February 15, 2021

No, I Don’t Have a Crush on the Statue of Liberty, and It’s Honestly Weird That You’d Even Ask

Boys and girls can be friends. Girls and statues can be friends. Girls and statues can hold hands, if they want. Or kiss.

by Melia Hagino
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February 4, 2021