Fear and Loathing at My Parents’ House
Reluctantly, I agreed to take care of my mother’s cat while she was out of town. Being a lover of all animals, you'd think I'd have been excited - but you'd be mistaken.
Comedy Writing
Suburban Dystopia: The Decline of the Shopping Mall
When I was a kid, the mall was a great place, filled with wonder and the possibility of blowjobs. What exists now is a crippled version of it's old glory.
An Open Letter to Dane Cook
Mr. Cook, I can no longer sit back while your egregious blunders defame the good name of those around you. Especially the illustrious Dennis Rodman.
A Brief Analysis of Stupidity
Since by my estimate the average person has the intelligence of salad dressing, it shouldn't be a shock to see people do stupid things. But it never fails.
Cerebral Blue Balls
The American Dream isn't as far off as you think. Just stick to slothfulness and the unearned judgment of others - that’s our generation’s legacy.