Three Shitty Products Masquerading as Food
When I think of food, I don't think of a rectangular chunk that looks like a gargoyle with a square asshole shit it out. Or a meal that looks like a bunch of scabs swimming in a puddle of whale semen.
Comedy Writing
4 Holidays That Should Be Abolished
Holidays are supposed to be wondrous occasions to celebrate, but for the most part, a few come to mind that should be abolished and permanently etched off calendars worldwide.
1-800-PEDOPHILE: Take Control of Your Children Today!
Nowadays, it's all too common for a mother to have the holy blue hell beaten out of her daily by her 8-year-old son. But not after a visit by one of our trained sex offender actors!
A Stripper’s Job Isn’t to Talk About My Life
The gentleman's club stripper will sit next to you and gab like she's actually interested in you. And she won't shut her cock-trap up until you ask for a lap dance.
A Burglar’s Guide to Break-In Etiquette
How many times have you barbarously bashed a window when you could've courteously climbed through it? Here are 5 crucial tips for transitioning from careless klepto to cordial crook.
Mistresses of Satan, aka Women
A woman may be as beautiful as a jewel-encrusted diamond, but on the inside, she's as ugly as the elephant man swimming in a big fucking puddle of diarrhea.