What Happens When I Release This Cart Into a Busy Parking Lot Is Completely Out of My Hands
Will it scrape along a Toyota Camry, taking off seven inches of paint and cost the owner hundreds of dollars?
Comedy Writing
Whoops, Must Have Laughed Out Loud in This Busy Cafe at Something I Just Wrote
Obviously, nobody wants to hear the funny thing I wrote, right? I know you’re all staring at me, since my laugh set off the smoke alarms.
I’m Paul’s Bunion
When Paul cried as a child, and his tears created the Great Lakes, it was because of me, the bunion pressing in on his other toes.
Some Complaints I Have with the Garden of Eden
Too much fruit: I've eaten six tons of papaya, 3,500 grapefruits, 0 apples, 700 oranges, more grapes than I can count, and a plethora of colorful berries.
Seven Ways to Stop Me Before I Start a Devastating Religion
Walk out: Just leave en masse. Once you're a healthy distance away from me, there will be no one to support my Multi-Level Marketing Religion.
The Abyss Stared Back, and It Likes What It Saw
I know I'm just a little ol' abyss, but your attention has given me quite the pick-me-up. Not a lot of people notice me.