Tampa, FL by way of St. Louis, MO

Nathan DeGraaf graduated fucking years ago with a BA in Creative Writing from the University of South Florida, which he still lives near because college chicks are the best. On weekday evenings, Nate can typically be found at any one of a number of North Tampa bars. On weekends, he typically cannot be found. When not drinking, fishing, watching sports, or having sex, Nathan likes to read, play the harmonica, and show up for work. Throughout the course of his life, he has been arrested six times because, as his father has often said, "the kid is fucking stupid."

Comedy Writing

Jay Leno Takes Over the Observations

<p>Let's see, what's going on in the news today. Oh, did you hear this? It's a sad story. It turns out that Kevin Smith was denied a seat on a Southwestern Airlines plane because he was too fat to sit in a single seat. Kind of gives new meaning to the term, jumbo jet doesn't it?</p>

Vonn and Done

It's another Friday, people.  Time to rip a dumb opinion column a new butthole.  <p>This week's dumbass is Bill Plaschke, who wrote a dumb column about an Olympic skier who injured herself.  His words are in bold.  Mine are covered in tears wept for all that is logical and fair.    </p>

Non Sequiturs on Women and Relationships

Any argument with a female that does not end in destruction of personal property is an argument that the man wins.  That's the curve on which relationship arguments are graded.    <p>Women with fake breasts deserve a little bit of extra consideration, if only because they sacrificed their health and comfort to improve your scenery.  </p>

The Snippets Respect Tradition

<p>Ray: Why are you always throwing ice up into the air and catching it in your mouth?<br />Me: Tradition.<br />Ray: I don't understand. <br />Scotty: No one does, Ray. No one does. </p>

Observations Missed a Day Somewhere

<p>I'm a day behind with my life right now, which sucks because arguing with a calendar is always a losing proposition. Try telling a calendar what day it is.  Damn thing won't even bother to laugh. </p><p>I don't care that it worked, that onside kick was a dumb call by Sean Payton.  Dude got luckier than Brad Pitt at an "I want to suck Brad Pitt's Cock" rally.  </p>

Berets vs. Burqas

<p>It's Friday.  That means it's time to rip on another opinion article.  This particular article is filled with dumb.  It puts French public opinion up against a female Muslim who doesn't show her face to anyone because it makes her spiritual.  I've read dumber stuff but most of it was on Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum wrappers.</p><p>The author's words are in bold. </p>

Sleep Tight Ya Genius

<p>If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied before they had me and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it.  </p>

Running a Diary for the Miami Pro Bowl

<p>Like I have <a href="/nathan/2006/02/running-diary-in-freezing-pro-bowl.html">done before</a> and as the Lord decrees, I will now offer the world another live blog of the Pro Bowl.  I first must get beer and then second I must set up my computer and then third I will be back to once again chronicle the experience of the most useless, unnecessary and least entertaining NFL event known to man.</

×Close