<p>I realize I haven't been around much for you, dear readers. And I also realize that when I have been around, I've basically been bitching about living in a corrupt fiat-money ruled society and those kind of whiny soliloquies don't get as many laughs from the web medium as they receive at the local nudist colonies when I act them out in my penis puppet parties.
My girlfriend is having a hard time breaking up with her girlfriend and now the girlfriend of my girlfriend has my number and she’s threatening me and I don’t know whether or not I should take her seriously.
The following highlights from U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner on Troubled Asset Relief Program have been translated from English into English.
<p>God made the world. But we made our land.<br /> —Old Dutch Saying</p><p>My mind wanders. It's not something I'm proud of, but it's also not something I can really stop, so I just deal with it. Like we deal with freckles I guess. Or maybe like we deal with the curves of our faces. </p>
<p>Douglas A. McIntyre wrote the following about the bank crisis. He's pretty much wrong about everything he wrote for <em>Time Magazine</em>, but it is nice to see positive news come out of the media lately, even if it is horseshit. </p><p>His words are in bold. Mine are totally confused. </p>
For years and years worth of meaningless relationships I have avoided saying the words, 'I love you.' Now I'm going to show you exactly why it is important to say 'I love you' even if you don't fucking mean it.
<p>Welcome back to a new feature I like to call: <a href="/blogs/nathan-degraaf/translating-english-english-timmy-time" title="Translating English into English: Timmy Time | Nathan DeGraaf">Translating English into English</a>. Basically, how this works is: our politicians and representatives tell us stuff and I attempt to make sense out of it.
<p>Welcome back to The Investor's Coroner, an attempt to make both sense and fun of the current global markets and inform you of the happenings in the international market while planning a move to Shanghai. </p><p>It is the goal of the Investor's Coroner to make you laugh, help you learn and get into your pants you, sexy minx. Really, you look great today. Did you get a haircut?</p>
Four examples of my behavior that have kept me out of the dreaded friend zone according to one of my exes, who asked to be called Leticia for the purpose of this article.
<p>Welcome to a new feature I like to call: Translating English into English. Basically, how this works is: our politicians tell us something and I attempt to make sense out of it.
<p><strong>Freaking Love</strong></p><p>The pregnancy scare brought us there<br />To that coffee shop table<br />To talk.</p><p>You told me you would have the kid<br />And asked me for support<br />And I balked.</p><p>But I had no choice on the matter—<br />It wasn't my body or my philosophy—<br />So I agreed to be there<br />Both in the child's life<br />And financially.</p>
<p>Welcome back to The Investor's Coroner, an attempt to make both sense and fun of the current global markets and inform you of the happenings in the international marketplace while using hidden messages to help you find the Bush family offshore bank accounts in the Caymans. </p>