Tampa, FL by way of St. Louis, MO

Nathan DeGraaf graduated fucking years ago with a BA in Creative Writing from the University of South Florida, which he still lives near because college chicks are the best. On weekday evenings, Nate can typically be found at any one of a number of North Tampa bars. On weekends, he typically cannot be found. When not drinking, fishing, watching sports, or having sex, Nathan likes to read, play the harmonica, and show up for work. Throughout the course of his life, he has been arrested six times because, as his father has often said, "the kid is fucking stupid."

Comedy Writing

Firing Back at Anti-Gun Laws

I am against any and all anti-gun laws. And it's not because I love guns (I don't even own one) or because I feel the need to take out a herd of antelopes with an SKS. I am against them because they don't work.

Shouldn’t Those Guys Be Working?

<p>From: Scott Handicapper <br />Sent: Thursday, March 12, 2009 1:19 PM<br />To: Nathan DeGraaf<br />Subject: </p><p><strong>Do you need me to go to the ballpark Sat? Did you get my text about having a boy?</strong></p><hr /><br><p>From: Nathan DeGraaf <br />Sent: Thursday, March 12, 2009 1:21 PM<br />To: Scott Handicapper<br />Subject: RE: </p>

Observations Highlight Fleas and Markets

As part of my job, I get daily financial market updates from industry professionals and corporations. These updates mainly focus on forward-moving strategies, which is to say, they attempt to predict the future of different global markets. Anyway, every Monday, I receive the CitiGroup equity strategy newsletter.

Wanting Pictures

<p>"Naked, a few seconds after finishing me off, she shows me these pictures of her in one of those magazines that advertises for gentlemen's clubs, swingers clubs and ah... jack shacks-"</p><p>"Jack shacks?"</p><p>"You don't want to know."</p><p>"Were they good pictures?"</p><p>"Would you let me tell the fucking story, already?"</p>

Pickled, But Not Soured

The other day I got to thinking about Peter Piper and that old tongue twister: Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. The goddamn thing is a lie. There is no way for anyone to pick peppers that have already been pickled.

The Investor’s Coroner: Moral Hazard Country

<p>Welcome back to The Investor's Coroner, an attempt to make both sense and fun of the current global markets and inform you of the happenings in the international marketplace while simultaneously cracking half-hearted jokes about the future of America (hint: It's in China). </p>

Just Another Lame Little Life Nugget

Okay, so I recently switched gyms.  I'll spare you the boring details about why and just let you know that I am slowly being accepted in my new workout hole.  Anyway, when I finish weight training, I typically walk on the treadmill for about sixty pages worth of paperback escapism.  Every chapter, I move the speed up a tenth of a number, i.e.

Live Blog Bitches

<p>I'm too hung over to head out to the bar today and it looks like my neighbors are still giving away wireless internet (they're sweethearts, I tell you) so I will be live blogging or running a diary or getting all geeky with the football action today.</p>

Christmas Songs are Bullshit, Part 3: Holly Jolly Political Incorrectness

<p>After a few years of listening to this thing over and over again, I have come to some conclusions about the Christmas song <em>Holly Jolly Christmas</em>.  And I know you'll be surprised to hear this, but I believe that <em>Holly Jolly Christmas</em> is a ploy by degenerates to get people drunk and taken advantage of.  I mean, just look at the lyrics here:</p>

Christmas Songs are Bullshit, Part 2: The Little Drummer Lie

<p>After a few years of listening to this thing over and over again, I have come to some conclusions about the Christmas song <em>The Little Drummer Boy</em>.  And I know you'll be surprised to hear this, but I believe that <em>The Little Drummer Boy</em> is a bullshit story.  Let's look at the lyrics shall we?</p>

Christmas Songs are Bullshit, Part 1: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

<p>After a few years of listening to this thing over and over again, I have come to some conclusions about Christmas song <em>Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer</em>.  And I know you'll be surprised to hear this, but I believe that <em>Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer</em> is a bullshit story.  Let's look at the lyrics shall we?</p>

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