If you're attending this week's Tampa Bay Buccaneers game and you don't enjoy the people sitting near you, you can have them forcibly removed without getting out of your seat. Simply by texting a complaint to (813) 277-6501, you can remove that loud mouth, beer-spilling drunk from the stadium. And I, for one, will not stand for such unmitigated horse flop. <p>Speaking for loud mouth, beer-sp
<p>On my latest trip to St.
<p>I am so happy to have football back. </p><p>In case you forgot, last week I told you that I would be picking them games with Nikki the Bartender and Scotty the Handicapper. During our picks conversation at Peabody's Bar last night, I learned that Scotty doesn't believe in the DVR/TIVO gimmick. </p>
<p>"Look, I'm not saying anything that we're all not already thinking. Just because she let you do anal during a one night stand after knowing you all of three hours does not mean that she's the one for you. In fact, it may very well be a good reason to stay the hell away from her, Johnny."</p>
John Herzog hated air travel, but he loved reading, and because air travel allows for little more than waiting around (be it standing or sitting), Herzog always found his flights more bearable if he brought along a paperback. And so, as he sat in a plastic chair, sipping a can of orange juice, he read. <p>The old lady (seventy five if she was a day, John judged) seated next to him had other id
<p>One of the most arrogant endeavors in writing is to attempt to predict the future. Yet it seems that almost all writers do it. In fact, just about all people do it. For an example, take a look at the hype surrounding Tropical Storm Fay, which was predicted to hit land in the one place it did not (Tampa Bay). In Tampa, they closed public schools and government buildings a day before a st
Tomorrow night, it begins again. College football season will arrive when Ball State takes on Somebody What's it Matter Anyway University or something. Sadly, the game has already been taken off the board in a lot of places and your local bookie is probably unlikely to give you anything less than a 45 point spread. But what the hell ever, right? Football is back, baby. And with the game
<p>Tito: So, the bitch gets drunk before she has to go to talk to the state attorney. </p><p>Me: Why?</p><p>Tito: She said it would help my case.</p><p>Me: Why would she think that?</p><p>Tito: Man, if you ask that every time I tell you some dumb shit that she does, these conversations are gonna be unnecessarily long. </p><p>Me: Dug.</p><p>Tito: Huh?</p>
It's funny listening to American representatives condemn Russia for invading an oil-rich country without first consulting the UN. It's like that one time growing up when my dad caught me drinking whiskey while he was drunk. The ensuing lecture didn't really take. <p>I don't know about you, but I was just shocked to learn that China's government could be less than honest about its representat
What’s that? You and your new boyfriend are breaking up? Has it been two months already? Wow. How the time flies. So, you know who you’re voting for? For what? For President of the United States. For the kit and the caboodle. For the right to drive the expensive sports car that is the United States of America. Certainly you knew that?
Me: It’s cool that you’re taking me to hang out with your dad. Peek: Yeah man, thanks for coming. He really wants to see you again. Me: Wait. He really wants to see me? Peek: I know, it’s strange. Usually it’s only pissed off ex-boyfriends and stupid MILFs that want to see you. But I guess you can add an old man with ALS to the list.
I was tripping on acid At a Russian restaurant In an upscale strip mall Waiting on a friend For a ride home When I heard the news. I walked outside To look at the cloudless evening sky And spotted a dark-haired girl In a sundress Dripping tears on the concrete ground. I said nothing. She looked up at me And said, “He’s gone.” And then she sang,