The early evening air sobers me up a little as I walk across the street behind Leigh. We must have painted quite the picture for the throng of tourists and senior citizens we passed: me in my court appearance Sunday best and her in her pre-evening evening gown. The street is occupied by Hawaiian shirts and sandals. I can feel sweat start to drip from my underarms as chubby pink faces all dou
<p>The bolded words in this post are taken from <a href="http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-pn-clinton-elections-20100918,0,5214309.story">an LA Times article</a>. The author of this post would like to point out that he has never attended any kind of Tea Party rally, does not belong to the Tea Party, is all for gay marriage, legal immigration and loves baseball. He's also really
The Heisman is awarded annually by the Heisman Trophy Trust (motto: I Can'’t Believe We Get Paid For This Shit). Some years they get it right. Most years they get it wrong.
<p>There are few things in life I hate more than starting an article with the phrase, "there are few things in life I hate more than..." and yet I do it anyway. That says something about me and I don't want to know what.</p>
Bartender's meaty hands swipe away my full ashtray. After a lunch shift and a dinner shift, we are once again the only two men in the bar. The waitresses, pretty much all Asian and definitely all pretty, seem to disappear when there are no customers. I spy my face in the mirror, jutting out above the bottles, bored and vacant. <p>"Quit looking at yourself, Nate. You ain't that sexy.
<p>Danielle: There's no water.<br />Me: Anywhere?<br />Danielle: Yes, Nathan, the entire world is out of water. <br />Me: Seriously, what are you talking about?<br />Danielle: The pump for the water tower broke and there's like, three or four complexes without any water. And we're one of ‘em. <br />Me: So, where do I poop?
<p>As many of you may have noticed, this summer was a pretty decent one for summer cable programming. We had some new shows emerge (<em>Rubicon</em> and <em>Louie</em>) and we had some old shows come back (<em>Mad Men</em>, <em>Burn Notice</em>, <em>Jersey Shore</em> and <em>White Collar</em>).
Hopefully, you are blissfully unaware of the following chunk of news: There's a pastor in Gainesville, Florida promoting International Burn a Koran Day, which will not be nearly as fun as it sounds. Before we get to the meat of this matter, I would like to point out that no one ever tries to pull this kind of crap in big cities with heavy foreign populations. Try this shit in Detroit and you'd
15-year-old Olivier Louis died after collapsing on the football field during a high school practice. The culprit, you ask? Women of course.
<p>"So the dude says to his nephew, he says, ‘Kid, this whole screwed up planet will soon be yours,' but the fucking kid says he don't want it. So the dude says, ‘Hey you little fucker, why don't you want the Earth?' and you know what the kid says—of course not, how the fuck would you know what the kid says?—the kid says that he don't want Planet Earth because, get this, he
<p>The first time I ever had a one night stand, the woman made me promise that I wouldn't tell her boyfriend. That was eighteen fucking years ago (I am very old). The last time I had a one night stand, the woman made me promise not to record any images with my phone. The more things change the more they... um change, I guess.</p>
<p>Dave: You believe all these crazies who think Obama's a Muslim?<br />Me: How do you know he isn't?<br />Dave: Come on, dude. He said he wasn't.<br />Me: The fuck would I believe a politician for?<br />Dave: I don't know, I mean...<br />Me: Bush the Second said mission accomplished, Clinton said he did not have sexual relations with that woman, Bush the First said no new taxes-