Tampa, FL by way of St. Louis, MO

Nathan DeGraaf graduated fucking years ago with a BA in Creative Writing from the University of South Florida, which he still lives near because college chicks are the best. On weekday evenings, Nate can typically be found at any one of a number of North Tampa bars. On weekends, he typically cannot be found. When not drinking, fishing, watching sports, or having sex, Nathan likes to read, play the harmonica, and show up for work. Throughout the course of his life, he has been arrested six times because, as his father has often said, "the kid is fucking stupid."

Comedy Writing

The Favor

<p>"I love it when the bar is like this," she says through red lips like moist pillows.</p><p>"You mean empty?" I light a cigarette and watch her doe eyes frown at me: a physical opposition to the happiness of her curling lips.  </p>

Something I Overheard an Old Man Say

<p>"I never thought I'd see the day that the majority of American protestors would be employed, racist white people.  Either we've come full circle, or we missed the whole damn shape."</p><p>--Some old Dude, on the Tea Party.  </p>

The Mosque of the Red Herring

<p>I've been giving mainstream news my usual occasional glances and recently noticed that quite a few people are upset that a mosque may be one of the buildings put in near Ground Zero in the NYC, which is New York City (that's right, I'm borrowing from The Situation now; I'm more disappointed than you are but it had to be done).</p>

But Seriously Girls

Taylor:  You need to write something like, classic Nate.  You know, for old time's sake.  <p>Me:  We don't have any old times.  </p><p>Taylor:  Dude, I was reading you long before I met you.  Trust me, we got old times.  </p><p>Me:  Now you're freaking me out a little.  </p>

Major League Lessons

<p>Here are ten things I learned from this year's MLB All Star Game:</p><p>I don't care if it's protocol or tradition or what, having Charlie Manuel jog out onto the field borders on senior citizen abuse.  </p><p>Manager Joe Girardi elected not to use Alex Rodriguez in the All Star game because Alex Rodriguez is not a "True All Star."</p>

Bye George

To me, George Steinbrenner will always be the influential asshole who dictated what did and did not appear on stage at the <a href="http://www.abcactionnews.com/dpp/news/region_tampa/Steinbrenner-loved-Tampa,-and-the-feeling-is-mutual">Tampa Performing Arts Center</a>.  He's a <a href="http://steinbrenner.mysdhc.org/">name on a high school</a> in Tampa Bay, a <a href="http://maps.google.com/maps?

Kind of Caring about the World Cup

<p>Like every kid in suburban America, I played a little soccer growing up.  Very little.  My parents wouldn't let me play football so they made me play soccer until I was old enough to explain to them exactly why I hated the sport.  That took until I was nine.  After that, I found better stuff to do.  Soccer bores me.  I realize the athleticism that it takes to play soccer on an elite level

Promises to a King

<em>LeBron James is moving to Florida, where I live.  And I feel that he needs to feel right at home, so I am happily making LeBron the following promises:</em> <p>Dear LeBron:</p><p>I will never burn your jersey, mainly because the only thing dumber than overpaying for your jersey would be burning said jersey.  </p>

Immigrating to Carlton’s Place

Here are the ten things I've learned regarding Arizona's new anti-immigration law: <p>More white people are kidnapped from Arizona than are kidnapped from the rest of the world.  Apparently, living in Arizona is like visiting Columbia.  Except every day, and you know, in English.  </p>

Spewing Knowledge

<p>"I've said time and time again that nothing good happens when oil is on the water."  --Actual quote by actual Coast Guard Admiral Thad Allen.</p><p>Here are ten things I've learned from the Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill:</p>

Something I Overheard Yesterday

<p>"Hell man, ain't nothing as awesome as you think it'll be.  I once lived with two bisexual women.  After six months or so a that, I came home one day from work and saw both of them bimbos going at it on my living room floor...

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