Freshmen (Sexual) Orientation
No matter what the rules say, it is absolutely OK to want to have sex with your orientation teacher. Plus more wisdom from a former orientation teacher!
Nicholas Kabat Moose was born during the late 20th century, somewhere in the Midwestern United states. Little is known about Moose’s upbringing, beyond the fact that he owned over 500 PEZ dispensers, and from an early age, expressed an unhealthy interest in cephalopods. This quirk would eventually lead him into a disastrous and abortive career as a marine biologist. Regarding this career choice, Moose has often been quoted as saying, “I don’t know, I just really wanted to get into a knife fight with a giant squid.” Moose abandoned this path, sometime in his teens, when he came upon the sobering realization that he could neither swim, nor hold his own against an opponent who could feasibly hold ten knives at one time. However, Moose’s interest in wildly inaccurate marine biology would eventually carry over into his second career as a writer/cartoonist (and would lead to his creation of Rock N’ roll Porpoise Man). Throughout high school, Moose worked at, and was terminated from several jobs as a cartoonist and columnist, providing articles and comic strips for various local newspapers. The reason for termination from every past employer during this difficult period referenced Moose’s “inability to not insult his employer directly to their face while wearing a stupid hat.” Moose would, however, eventually, bounce back from this stretch of disappointments, during his decade-long tenure as a student at Kent State University. His column for the Daily Kent Stater, “Nick Moose’s View,” was praised by students and teachers alike as being both, “ sophomoric “ and “ offensively low-brow.” With his rabid following at an all-time peak, Moose decided to bring his column to the internet , via the college-based humor website, Points in Case .com. After seeing his fanbase increase by a staggering one percent, Moose realized the world wide web was the way of the future. He recalled his days as a comic stripper (that is a person who creates comic strips, not a person who performs strip acts in a comedic fashion, though there is strong evidence Moose may have done this as well) and commenced production on his own online comic-based website, featuring characters of his own design. And, so, was born Moose Comics, the place in cyberspace for all of Nick Moose’s kooky cartoon creations. Along with being a media mogul, Moose is a proud-ish graduate of Kent State University. He currently resides in a flying castle, along with several hundred super models, and more than one cat.
No matter what the rules say, it is absolutely OK to want to have sex with your orientation teacher. Plus more wisdom from a former orientation teacher!
I, like every man worth his salt, must eventually face the ultimate question. Who's it gonna be? Betty Cooper or Veronica Lodge?
Sorry, Vanessa Hudgens, but High School Musical is going to have to make way for 'SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION BAKE SALE'!
A lot of people never even thought about having sex with their video game systems. But now that we have Rub Rabbits, why shouldn't my penis be in stylus?
Just because I have less fun these days doesn’t mean you guys have to suffer, so for PIC, Friday Nights will be forever known as Nick Moose Night!
The Attractive Distractions are on a mission: bring the Portage County area concise, amusing two minute girl songs at a low low price, and get laid.
Vanessa Hudgens' new single, "Sneaker Night," gets one male fan thinking about the grown-up message beneath the shoes: sex with Vanessa Hudgens.
Nick Moose prides himself not only in bringing you 15% more accurate columns than anyone else, but also ridiculously unnecessary over-the-top promotional gimmicks.
Lindsay, I’ll always have fond memories of our relationships, but you’re into girls now… so I have to let you go. Even though it's hard to believe Samantha is any more a female than I am.
Nick Moose is disabled, but not like you think. He has Attention Deficit Disorder, better known as "Hey, what's that shiny thing over there?!"
Nick Moose has discovered that he can live at home with his mom AND make money by using the backyard as a dinosaur park.
Why did Nick Moose leave the Kent Stater, and what happened to him in the meantime? Some theorists say he was Lindsay Lohan's sex slave.