Hey, I won't be mad at ya if you peruse my comedy a bit. -Saying what you think you don't think. Paul Frank has written more comedy than your grandma's had periods. Paul Frank is a mystical creature like leprochauns, midgets, and MILFs. He lives solely on a diet of vodka, Hot Pockets, and milk-less cereal.

Comedy Writing

Medical Marijuana: My New Medication

Now, let me be the first to say, I always thought marijuana was for hooligans, whippersnappers, hippies, and negroes. But Dr. Jewstein told me that this marijuana has been researched and is safe and proven to temporarily provide relief for my glaucoma.

Hamstring Injury

<p>This weekend, New York Giants wide reciever Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg in a nightclub. Upon going to the hospital, he told the staff his name was Harris Smith (because that's the whitest name he could think of) and that he got shot at an Applebee's (because white people can relate, we go to Applebee's all the time).

This Relationship is Over (After This Blowjob)

<p>Hey, honey, don't mean to startle you or anything (the last thing we want is some unexpected chomping out of surprise), but once we wrap this beej up, this relationship is officially over.</p><p>Capish?</p><p>By all means, though, take your time down there. Yeah, that feels good right there (doesn't change the fact that I'm dumping you though...)</p>

Um, So I Think You Might Have Herpes

Hey, remember when we had sex a while back? Well, um, I don't know exactly how to say this, but recently I was diagnosed with a rare strain of herpes. Specifically a canine strand of the herpes virus... 'dog herpes.'

Did You Just Look At My Dick?

<p>Bro, did I just catch your eyes wandering down my naked body past my golden rippling chest and sneak a peek at my man vagina AKA my penis?</p><p>Bro, that shit ain't cool. That shit is real weak. Just because I'm standing up here in my birthday suit for all to see doesn't mean you're off the hook with the whole heterosexuality thing, and can just go all queer.</p>

The Waiting Room

<p>A waiting room. There are outdated posters on the wall. A man is reading a newspaper, another is staring out the window, a woman is trying to quiet down her kid.</p>

Give Me More Babies

<p><strong>GIVE ME MOAR BABIES </strong></p><p><strong>by Angelina Jolie</strong></p><p>GIVE ME MOARR BABIES NOWS! NEED MORE BABIES YES YES YES. please please more more now yes YES.</p><p>Give me give ME GIVE MEEEEEEEEEE!</p><p>Need WANT must HAVE NOW babies!</p><p>Oh my FUCKING god do IT give them to me.</p><p>NOT ENOUGH! NOT ENOUGH!</p>

Mom, Dad, I’m Going into Porn

If you will permit me, I have some fantastic news to share with you all: I have decided to pursue adult film acting. I’m going to be a porn star!

Let Me Put a Popsicle Into Your Mouth

<p>Let me slowly put a long, dripping, juicy popsicle in between your soft, waiting, pink lips.</p><p>I'll slide it in there so soft at first. Soooo soft. It'll feel good for both of us, I'm guessing. And really, that's all I want in the whole world, for you to be satisfied.</p>

Make-A-Different-Wish Foundation

Dear Timothy Williams, we regret to inform you that your wish will remain just that: a wish. And wishes don’t come true, Little Timmy. Hey, life is unfair.

What Kind of Coke Dealer Was That?

<p>I'm not one to complain, but what kind of coke dealer was that, man? Seriously, where were that guy's manners? He didn't even thank me when I handed him the $150, or say "I'll probably give this to charity, or the homeless."</p>

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