Have You Even Lived?
Eaten an Oreo without twisting it open and gnawing out the cream; just bit right into that motherfucker.
Comedy Writing
New Words for Complex Emotions in the Age of Trump
Quitticisim (kwit-??siz?m): The paralyzing decision to either delete or refresh Twitter every thirty seconds.
What Your NCAA Bracket Champion Says About You
Cincinnati Bearcats: You’ve watched a tournament game in a strip club. Iowa Hawkeyes: You lost money investing in Matthew Whittaker’s toilet company.
The Alphabet, Ranked
10. U: Used by moms in texts across the world. And candy hearts. And Prince. I love Prince. I would die 4 U.
What Did You Do This Summer?
You ran a marathon? Impressive! How was it? I bet. The first five are always the hardest, then you move on to Ironmans.