Unfortunately, even if I found the perfect pair of running shoes and I was the fastest man in the world, I wouldn’t be able to outrun the truth.
I heard that in Heaven, you can ride on the backs of angels and use their halos as steering wheels. That’s something I would like to check out.
Paul’s Empty Advil Container That He Repurposed to Hide His State Quarters: Cast the pill bottle aside and fill your pockets with the beautiful coins.
1) I Make a Rube Goldberg-type Machine That Gives Sonny a Spank Right on the Keister Every Time He Lifts the Spoon to His Mouth
Instead of wearing baseball caps, Coach Dylan has all the kids wearing these weird old hats he found at a garage sale.
The 2 things I love most are corduroys with ridges so deep that you can slide a can of Coors Light in there, and making sure my son thinks I’m cool.
I low-balled a museum in Plymouth into selling me wax statues of sick Pilgrims from their “passengers who didn’t survive the Mayflower” exhibit.
The process of picking one menu item reminded your wife of how she did not have to pick just one Pep Boy, since they are all polyamorous.
Season 1, Episode 45 - Raiders of the Lost Harp: When Uncle Scrooge Bemoans That All His Riches Cannot Afford Him a Seat in God’s Kingdom
He has a visible tattoo of Tim Allen playing billiards with Tim Allen. (The second Tim Allen had red glowing eyes. He kept calling him “Dark Tim.”)
If you want a salesman who spends all day practicing spitting into a spittoon so it makes a "ping" noise, I’m your guy.
I caught him watching old episodes of Scooby-Doo and scribbling in a notebook. He was mumbling things like, “Oooh, that’s a good one to plagiarize.”