I Hunted the Most Dangerous Game: The Animatronic Creatures at The Rainforest Cafe
A lot of people will call into question whether or not attacking robots in a theme restaurant can be considered a sport.
Comedy Writing
Jerry Maguire Quotes That Literally Sum Up My Boys’ Weekend in Atlantic City
“Show Me the Money!” I kept shouting this because I thought it was pretty funny (I mean, we were in the casino and I was trying to win the big bucks)
Unlike My Medical License, My Friendships with My Patients Are Real
My patients are my best friends. Where would I be if they hadn't let me crash on their couches after the mob found out I'm sleeping at my office?
Whoa, I Saw the Mummy That’s Been Chasing Us Without His Bandages and He’s Actually Really Handsome
But now I realize that’s actually a stupid plan and I have a new, better one: keep King Teti in this Earthly realm and also make him my boyfriend.
Rating Submarines Based on How Good They Are for Escaping Brunch Plans You Forgot You Agreed To
A handy guide to deciphering which deep sea submersible to pick when running away from the ill-advised Sunday brunch plans you made.
Things to Prepare Yourself for When You Graduate College
You’ll feel that you’ve won the war of slobs vs. snobs you started with the Dean. But then you’ll realize how happy Dean Trublioni makes your dad.
Mickey Mouse: I’m Sorry I Hit and Killed Goofy with My Car, My Bad
Mickey, it might be the time to dust off those wizard skills and bring your friend back to life.
The New Pokémon Game Should Let Players Catch the Most Amazing Thing of All: A Pledge to Lead a Chaste Lifestyle that Honors Our Creator
"Catch” implies the game will be like the original, instead of my better idea for an abstinence-focused game. The slogan should mention doing chores.
Why It’s Actually a Good Thing That the Contractors You Paid to Renovate Your House Just Put a Bunch of Wolf Figurines All Over the Place and Told You They Were Done
You Now Get to Affectionately Refer to Your Home as “The Wolf’s Den.” Suddenly, the way the renovation turned out doesn’t seem so bad.
iOS 12 Will Help Fight Phone Addiction by Having Your High School Bully Threaten to Kick Your Ass if You So Much as Look at Your Phone
Swirlies, wet-willies, the thing where you step on the back of someone’s shoe and it comes off, ‘flat-tiring...’ It’ll all be in iOS 12.
Hey Bullies: Stay Off Our Beaches
How many times have you seen this: some jerk starts trying to drink all the ocean water because they don’t want the fish to have it.
Well, I Just Got to Hell and the Bagels Freaking Suck
You can take the man out of the big city and send him to Hell for a life of transgressions, but you can’t take the big city out of the man.