Happy Thxgiving You Nerds!
Okay we get it, people of facebook. Saying, "Happy Turkey Day" instead of "Happy Thanksgiving" doesn't make you any more unique than the last guy you got the idea from.
Comedy Writing
Little Window Into My Life, Folks
I have my headphones in, but I really hope beyond hope that she's not interested in this guy. Of all the guys in the world, she had to pick this one. Sadness.
Let’s Talk About Crying, Baby
No man in the history of manness wants to admit, freely, to crying. It's just not done. Dudes That Wear Ed Hardy would rather be sent to prison for something they didn't do than admit they have emotions.
There’s a Little Truth to This Story
My apartment is dark, just the way I like it. It is very vampyric and that says a lot because I so love True Blood.
His Name Tag Said “Chilly Heinz”
I visited the library today and as I was checking out a book, my eyes caught a glimpse of the guy's name tag and I proceeded to do a double-take. It said "Chilly Heinz."
Vernon Strikes Out
She extends her hand to shake and we do. We start some idle chitchat, me extolling jokes like none other. I'm trying to be slick and maybe it's working but maybe it's not. She's still smiling.
TMNT Dream Sequence
I dreamt that Hollywood--and I could only assume that Michael Bay would have been directing--was coming out with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sequel entitled "Guacamole."
School: First Day Part I
<p>6:30 in the morning is when my alarm viciously chirps me awake. The shower. It is warm. Hallelujah. It is 60 degrees outside as I open the door and step out into the light. My bus station is only a few short steps from my house. I am the first to arrive at the stop but not for long.
Vernon’s Breakdown of the Backstreet Boys
I was listening to Backstreet Boys' earlier material and I realized that they talk a lot about "love" and "giving it" and "to the girl" and "not living without said girl." What? Not even her backstory and history?!
Of All the Gas Stations in All the World
"Hey, David," I say to the cashier manning the register at my all-time favorite gas station. I have a soft spot for gas stations for two reasons: nonjudgment and proximity.
Vernon’s Crying Game
I was writing an email to my aunt today, begging her to guest star in a story on this wonderful blog of mine. The problem came when I thought the adjective of humor was "humorfull."
Vernon Can’t Do Accents
When my British friends started making jokes about the BBC original like, "Allo, Guvna" and "crumpets" I was at a loss. It was like I was at sea, drifting slowly, gasping for breath as the cold hands of Poseidon tried to take me down.