One thing I have learned about life is that the best way to impress a lady is to walk up to her and say the following: "I am not a simple man, I am a complex mosaic of interconnected thoughts, feelings, and often conflicting emotions." (Then belch as loud as you can and punch yourself in the face.) I grew up in a really exciting small river town of 6,000 people. I used to work in a broom factory, and I've had 3 kidney surgeries that I often like to describe in intricate detail at the dinner table. (If you didn't find this information stimulating enough, I'd also like to mention that I have a drinking problem.) For extra comedy articles, short stories, Korea-inspired material, and yes, even some poetry... check out my personal website at or feel free to contact me at [email protected].

Comedy Writing

10 Reasons to Quit Drinking

Things to look forward to after you stop drinking: eating crazy meals without vomiting, filming neighborhood pornography, and immunity to previously insulting comments.

6 Things I Hate About Narcissists

A narcissist never washes his hands after using the restroom because he thinks, "My genitals are clean, not dirty. If everyone could touch my genitals, they would be better people."

7 Tips for Living and Teaching in Asia

Teaching English in Asia is a great way to experience a different culture, travel the world, and find adventure. It's also the easiest way to get constant diarrhea and exacerbate your drinking problem.

7 Keys for Successful Living

Learn to be more open-minded, cultivate some patience, and for God's sake don't say the first thing you think of when a beautiful woman makes random conversation with you.

6 MORE Ways to Make Yourself Cooler

If you've ever been heartbroken or dumped, you know that shitty feeling that feels like you'll never come out from. Guess what? Now's the perfect time to bring everyone else down!

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